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Carbohydrate Withdrawal: No Sugar, Starches, legumes, or Fruit!

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What the fuck CAN I eat then?

This question spits from drawn back teeth ready to tear the face off anyone who dares to answer. For the past 4 years by body has undergone a radical change in its metabolism, and it took months of guesswork to find out what was causing the “random” drunken-like stupors, the infamous “brain-fog”, the heart pounding sweats followed by 6-12 hours of sleep, migraine headaches from hell, joint stiffness and aches, sleepiness after eating two slices of pizza that no amount of coffee stop, and mood swings that would make a typical bi-polar sufferer look sane by comparison. All this would be preceded or followed by insurmountable cravings for starchy and sweet foods. Foods that I have eaten all of my life with no perceptible problems until the change began. Here is a list of my all time favorites:

  • Loaded Nachos with cheese, sour cream, guacamole, beans, sauce and meat
  • ANYTHING MEXICAN
  • Warm fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies
  • In & Out cheeseburger with : “Animal Style” fries
  • Corn dogs
  • Pizza (deep dish)
  • Macaroni and cheese
  • Loaded Baked Potato(Yes, I like everything loaded) With sour cream, butter, bacon bits, cheese
  • Warm fresh-baked brownies
  • Warm Bread Pudding
  • Sourdough Garlic Bread with butter
  • Ben & Jerry’s Cookies and Cream Ice Cream

As my research deepened I began to stumble upon information about metabolic disorders, namely prediabetes and diabetes. I bought several books, read hundreds of articles and research documents and after a couple of years of monitoring and experimenting, I diagnosed myself as a sufferer of a prediabetic condition who is a fast oxidizer with type O blood and is in danger of becoming a full-blown type 2 diabetic at anytime and should not have been eating any of the foods mentioned on the list above to begin with.

However, I had eaten those things all my life, without consequence.  It turns out that Diabetes is a disease of progression. A very slooooooooow progression for most, taking years to manifest the symptoms that can be detected by the sufferer. By then, however, one is accustomed to their S.A.D (Standard American Diet) and is most likely addicted to the drug like substances that these foods ultimately are.

Withdrawal is real. And it is ugly. Just knowing that the pain would disappear (for about an hour or so) if I ate a doughnut was too much to bear. Escape by watching TV is impossible because as soon as I am locked in to my favorite South Park episode, Carl’s Jr. sticks a huge burger in my face accentuating melting cheese around crispy bacon edges, highlighting the delightful contrast between the heat of the meat, the softness of the bun and the cool crunch of lettuce for a perfect finish. Before I know it, I am raging through the house throwing books and flipping over the dining room table before smashing a vase against the wall and slumping to the floor in a pitiful, waling pile of shame (true story). There is no rehab for sugar-starch addicts and I am so blessed to be a stay at home housewife otherwise I am certain that I would have lost my job due to how debilitating the process can be (probably by murdering someone in a fit of rage at the company party when the CEO decides to treat the office to Krispy Kremes).

This is maybe my 10th time giving it a go, and I have failed previously because I was not vigilant with each and every food that goes into my mouth. Now, at 34 years old and still obese I am ready to make the “big-chop” in my diet. I am giving it all up. Because I must. There are too many “gateway foods” that slowly lure me back into the cycle. And they are:

  • Artificial sweeteners
  • Stevia
  • rice
  • sweet potatoes
  • very sweet fruits (pineapple, mangoes, bananas, apples)
  • ANYTHING that has even a granule of sugar in it

So like the folks in Overeaters Anonymous, (which I tried, but just wasn’t for me I’ll post on my experience with that soon) certain foods are treated like Alcohol or crack, which eliminates the concept of “moderation” which to my understanding, doesn’t even work even for most “normal eaters”, but it’s still the number one fallacious advice given to those seeking weight loss. You have to go cold turkey, give it all up FOREVER… FOREVER… FOR-E-VER…

Bum Bum BUM! (Cue horror movie screams)

This is some motherfucking bullshit. I pretty much am going to be stuck eating meat and vegetables for the rest of my life and since I don’t eat dairy or nightshades, its pretty slim pickings.  I have went from being a playboy bunny beauty queen to being a warted winked ugly hag seemingly overnight. I used to have choices galore, now I am lucky if can get a wink from the wino stumbling in front of the liquor store. This is hard. It will require immense mental acrobatics because I am only going to feel worse if I continue to focus on what I can’t have. (Next post…. What I CAN have)

It’s a habit that has not served me well, always pining for what I want, but not taking action. What could be more definitive of hell?

So there we have it, I want to be skinny and it turns out I have to pay a higher price than most. It’s fucking unfair, and once I reach my goal I am going to milk every reward down to the last drop. It’s like going to a luxury car lot, where the cars are already pushing the triple digits. I want the Ferrari. It retails for $300,000.00. Pretty steep, but I am willing to go for it and that’s to be expected for a sports car. Everyone else paid that price. They worked hard to get to a point where they could have a Ferrari. But the salesman tell me I have to pay $2,000,000.00 (That’s with Dr.Evil putting his pinky to the corner of his crumb-crusted mouth) for the same fucking car. I protest that it’s not fair, that other people have to only pay a small portion of what I do. At that, everyone in the dealership stops, glares and me and says in unison: “..Life isn’t fair! Why don’t you stop worrying about other people and just focus on what you must do…”

UGH!

That’s what this is like. Clearly most people are ignorant of the fundamentals of motivation psychology, but be that as it may, ultimately I must pay the price, however inflated it is, if I want the results. I always knew that I would have to make sacrifices to get what I want, but damn it is extraordinarily difficult to sustain the much-needed motivation when I will be working 3 times as hard to achieve same payoff everyone else gets. I didn’t sign up for the socialism diet. Not everyone has to give up EVERYTHING FOREVER just to get a nice body. Or do they? I am not trying to be come an Olympian athlete, but hell, I may as well try for the price I have to pay!

Such is life, this is my rant. And now on with it!

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3 Years since my last post! & The tyranny of the “By-Now” Game…

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A sense of shame washes over me as I conclude that I have wasted another 3 years of my life. My mind thinks that by now if I only had the dedication, will-power, strength, and a host of other virtues that I clearly am missing, then my blog would be successful by now. If it weren’t for my pathetic laziness, my fear solidified by over-valuing comfort, this blog would have hundreds of entries, by now.  And thousands of followers! By now, I would have reached my ideal weight, the before and after pictures would be posted, and I would be working on my book deal and soon to make appearances on a national TV show! But neigh, here I am, on the morning of my 34th birthday having only lost 30 pounds in 3 years, with a blog that has only one entry from the date it was created.

What happened? Or to put it more succinctly, what DID NOT happen?

Clearly there was a lot that has not happened. What did not happen is reaching a point in my life where I was forced to make a decision, that coincided with my true values. I thought I had made decisions before, dozens of them in the past three years. There was the time I decided to become a member of a food addiction 12 step group, or decided to go on the metabolic typing diet, there also was a quick run in becoming a born-again Christian, becoming a EDM DJ, and promising myself for the last time that I would work out at least 4 times a week- with home videos- or at the gym- or in the pool- or home videos…

Yet all I was really doing was spinning my wheels, fumbling through choices.

I realize that motives count. All of my motivations rested on the foundations of fear. Fear and hatred. Fear of failure, and hatred of myself. This is not a winning combination.

What has changed? I have. By letting go of the “By-Now’s” I can finally focus on what is most important. HERE and NOW. You know, what all the New-Ager’s call the “Present Moment.”

One of my incantations for my morning Hour of Power walks is: “At last, at last, the past is the past. I’ve broken free and won. Now its time to love myself and really have some fun.” I must continue to condition myself out of the ugly past and into the now and the beyond of a bright future.

So the Shrinking Black Girl is back! And this time there will be no By-Now’s, only NOW.

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Myth #1: Black girls LIKE being fat

Really?

I think there is no better way to begin a weight-loss blog than with some good old myth busting. I sat in front of my computer for such a long time this morning  debating whether or not to include the fact that I was “black” in the blogs title.  After all, when it comes to being a fat girl, race doesn’t really make a difference does it? Don’t fat girls of all races have a shared experience when it comes to things like: Romance, men, food, fashion, social lives, representation in the media, discrimination?

Or is it true that FAT BLACK FEMALES have somehow managed to get around the cultural norms for fat women? Is it really true that as so many “studies” suggest, black women are happier than their “white counterparts” when it comes to body  image? (The scientists just love comparing black women to white ones don’t they? Yes, there will be an entry on this too)

Really?

Celebrities are universal images that most people have seen, therefore I will be using them to illustrate some examples. Let’s take a look. Has anyone seen how much these ladies have lost weight and transformed their bodies?  Monique, Queen Latifah, Star Jones,  Jennifer Hudson, Missy Elliot, does anyone remember Kelly Price?

Every fat black girl I know whether as an acquaintance, friend or stranger I met on the train, expresses a desire to lose weight. I can’t tell you even one 200lb. or 300 pound black girl who doesn’t want to find a way to transform her body to look like Beyoncé’s.  And why shouldn’t we?  Any heterosexual female reading this knows why.

You may have noticed the image I chose to headline my blog. The photo is not actually me, but at the very moment  I write this, it’s  a striking resemblance. I wish I could be there standing next to you to see your reaction. You know, the reaction you would have in private before thoughts of political correctness, sympathy or guilt set in. After all it’s okay in our private thoughts to acknowledge how gross, unsexy, unattractive, disgusting, deformed and disfigured rolls of fat around a womans abdomen can be. It kills the hip-to-waist ratio! It’s just plain unsightly and ugly! Not to mention the chafing, back pain, knee-creaking, cellulite, skin-discolorations, strech marks and a host of other obesity-related ills! Oh but excuse me, I’m happy this way…. Um yes, and let me move away from your fat-ass before I get struck by lightning!

But for reasons that I can’t wait to delve into as this blog unfolds, many have chosen to belive, erroneously I argue; that fat black women enjoy being obese, and that somehow we don’t experience all the negative experiences that come with being a “fat chick.”

Therefore I did the right thing by not omitting my race on my blog. In addition with wanting to share my story with the world in real-time, I also want to bust the myth that big black women are somehow super-naturally brimming over with an abundance of self-esteem and positive body image. However, I do plan to discus how I have used this stereotype for my advantage. (And that will be a whole nuther’ entry)

I am absolutely certain I am not the only obese black girl who not only wants to be thin, beautiful, toned, shapely, sexy, feminine and HOT- but  is working towards that goal.

Today is my official start day of a combination of Atkins and Excercise. My current weight: 302 pounds. Today is: April 1, 2010

I welcome you to follow me on this journey of weight loss.

I am: THE SHRINKING BLACK GIRL