What the fuck CAN I eat then?
This question spits from drawn back teeth ready to tear the face off anyone who dares to answer. For the past 4 years by body has undergone a radical change in its metabolism, and it took months of guesswork to find out what was causing the “random” drunken-like stupors, the infamous “brain-fog”, the heart pounding sweats followed by 6-12 hours of sleep, migraine headaches from hell, joint stiffness and aches, sleepiness after eating two slices of pizza that no amount of coffee stop, and mood swings that would make a typical bi-polar sufferer look sane by comparison. All this would be preceded or followed by insurmountable cravings for starchy and sweet foods. Foods that I have eaten all of my life with no perceptible problems until the change began. Here is a list of my all time favorites:
- Loaded Nachos with cheese, sour cream, guacamole, beans, sauce and meat
- ANYTHING MEXICAN
- Warm fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies
- In & Out cheeseburger with : “Animal Style” fries
- Corn dogs
- Pizza (deep dish)
- Macaroni and cheese
- Loaded Baked Potato(Yes, I like everything loaded) With sour cream, butter, bacon bits, cheese
- Warm fresh-baked brownies
- Warm Bread Pudding
- Sourdough Garlic Bread with butter
- Ben & Jerry’s Cookies and Cream Ice Cream
As my research deepened I began to stumble upon information about metabolic disorders, namely prediabetes and diabetes. I bought several books, read hundreds of articles and research documents and after a couple of years of monitoring and experimenting, I diagnosed myself as a sufferer of a prediabetic condition who is a fast oxidizer with type O blood and is in danger of becoming a full-blown type 2 diabetic at anytime and should not have been eating any of the foods mentioned on the list above to begin with.
However, I had eaten those things all my life, without consequence. It turns out that Diabetes is a disease of progression. A very slooooooooow progression for most, taking years to manifest the symptoms that can be detected by the sufferer. By then, however, one is accustomed to their S.A.D (Standard American Diet) and is most likely addicted to the drug like substances that these foods ultimately are.
Withdrawal is real. And it is ugly. Just knowing that the pain would disappear (for about an hour or so) if I ate a doughnut was too much to bear. Escape by watching TV is impossible because as soon as I am locked in to my favorite South Park episode, Carl’s Jr. sticks a huge burger in my face accentuating melting cheese around crispy bacon edges, highlighting the delightful contrast between the heat of the meat, the softness of the bun and the cool crunch of lettuce for a perfect finish. Before I know it, I am raging through the house throwing books and flipping over the dining room table before smashing a vase against the wall and slumping to the floor in a pitiful, waling pile of shame (true story). There is no rehab for sugar-starch addicts and I am so blessed to be a stay at home housewife otherwise I am certain that I would have lost my job due to how debilitating the process can be (probably by murdering someone in a fit of rage at the company party when the CEO decides to treat the office to Krispy Kremes).
This is maybe my 10th time giving it a go, and I have failed previously because I was not vigilant with each and every food that goes into my mouth. Now, at 34 years old and still obese I am ready to make the “big-chop” in my diet. I am giving it all up. Because I must. There are too many “gateway foods” that slowly lure me back into the cycle. And they are:
- Artificial sweeteners
- sweet potatoes
- very sweet fruits (pineapple, mangoes, bananas, apples)
- ANYTHING that has even a granule of sugar in it
So like the folks in Overeaters Anonymous, (which I tried, but just wasn’t for me I’ll post on my experience with that soon) certain foods are treated like Alcohol or crack, which eliminates the concept of “moderation” which to my understanding, doesn’t even work even for most “normal eaters”, but it’s still the number one fallacious advice given to those seeking weight loss. You have to go cold turkey, give it all up FOREVER… FOREVER… FOR-E-VER…
Bum Bum BUM! (Cue horror movie screams)
This is some motherfucking bullshit. I pretty much am going to be stuck eating meat and vegetables for the rest of my life and since I don’t eat dairy or nightshades, its pretty slim pickings. I have went from being a playboy bunny beauty queen to being a warted winked ugly hag seemingly overnight. I used to have choices galore, now I am lucky if can get a wink from the wino stumbling in front of the liquor store. This is hard. It will require immense mental acrobatics because I am only going to feel worse if I continue to focus on what I can’t have. (Next post…. What I CAN have)
It’s a habit that has not served me well, always pining for what I want, but not taking action. What could be more definitive of hell?
So there we have it, I want to be skinny and it turns out I have to pay a higher price than most. It’s fucking unfair, and once I reach my goal I am going to milk every reward down to the last drop. It’s like going to a luxury car lot, where the cars are already pushing the triple digits. I want the Ferrari. It retails for $300,000.00. Pretty steep, but I am willing to go for it and that’s to be expected for a sports car. Everyone else paid that price. They worked hard to get to a point where they could have a Ferrari. But the salesman tell me I have to pay $2,000,000.00 (That’s with Dr.Evil putting his pinky to the corner of his crumb-crusted mouth) for the same fucking car. I protest that it’s not fair, that other people have to only pay a small portion of what I do. At that, everyone in the dealership stops, glares and me and says in unison: “..Life isn’t fair! Why don’t you stop worrying about other people and just focus on what you must do…”
That’s what this is like. Clearly most people are ignorant of the fundamentals of motivation psychology, but be that as it may, ultimately I must pay the price, however inflated it is, if I want the results. I always knew that I would have to make sacrifices to get what I want, but damn it is extraordinarily difficult to sustain the much-needed motivation when I will be working 3 times as hard to achieve same payoff everyone else gets. I didn’t sign up for the socialism diet. Not everyone has to give up EVERYTHING FOREVER just to get a nice body. Or do they? I am not trying to be come an Olympian athlete, but hell, I may as well try for the price I have to pay!
Such is life, this is my rant. And now on with it!